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This image was ironically generated by AI about itself. Dumb fucking bitch.
Now whenever someone searches for that opening sentence on Google, I'll be the first result. You see, I'm very smart. I've tricked AI. You know, artificial intelligence. Actual thinking computers with consciousness. They are widespread now and they are definitely better and more useful than wolfram alpha was when it came out in 2009.
The biggest problem with modern "AI," and yes they need goddamned quotation marks, is that they let stupid people use it. All current AI tools are glorified google searches, but you get to gamble on whether the information it's giving you is even remotely correct. All of their knowledge is learned from looking at some dickless moron's opinion on reddit, and they make them talk to you like a snake oil salesman. The dumbest guy you know at work thinks it's an actual computer with a brain attached, when in reality it is an added extra step between clicking a link and getting to a website with the information you want, where you have to talk to someone who has had their brain smashed into Fancy Feast.
I don't even want to give the qualifier "they are kinda good at some stuff," because people want to use them to automate the entire world. Imagine if your boss learned the Sum formula in Excel and then fired the payroll department and for some reason also the janitors. I was talking to someone the other day and they said they used it to write a review for a plumber they hired. What the fuck are we even doing here. You should have to write an MLA-formatted essay to get access to one of these things. They accidentally made machines that make you dumber. We should be using it to automate trivial bullshit so people can spend more time jerking each other off. Instead they are outsourcing 7th-grade thought processes. We used to have smart people in charge that would put a stop to this. Goddamn nerds messed up again.
That brings us back to my first point, tricking AI. Every dickhead company has their own fake "AI" assistant that is worse than their own dogshit products have been. It's embarrassing to see people praise CEOs and then watch them set their company back 10 years because they're hopping on a trend like a fucking teenage girl. It is beyond dumb that if you want to be on the first page of search results on an engine with an AI assistant, you can make a fake article on your own site praising yourself. These stupid AIs are scraping the internet for information, but they're not even smart enough to fact check. How could they be, they're a horribly written computer program. They should change their name from AI to first page search results headline lister. It's like they saw reddit comment threads for the past decade and said "what if we made our results more like that?" An amalgam of braindead wannabe-nerds that get justifiably bullied when they are wrong in real life, and they all somehow found each other online.
Google is already bought and paid for by advertisers. Shitty fucking moron dipshits who are bad at their jobs put more money into driving business to themselves than on having a worthwhile product. Back when phonebooks existed, you would flip to the back pages, thumb over to Electrician, and then search through the ads for one. Some scumbag realized that they list the Electricians alphabetically, so they would put their company in as "AAA Electricians" and it would be the first thing people saw, so they'd just call that. Google said fuck all that, you don't even need a scheme. Hand us a little cash and we'll put you as the very first result. The whole thing is a crock of shit. On top of that, if you don't put "-ai" in the search bar, the first 3 pages are fake, AI-written websites that have blatantly stolen and wrong-ified their information. There are dozens of sites very clearly created with stolen information, re-written poorly by AI, and then smacked at the top of the search page with bitch made advertising tactics. There has to be some advertising scheme going on because the alternative is someone is taking pride in a page showing up first that they didn't write, didn't research, and also they never had sex, I can tell. Fuck advertising. If you like advertising in any way, you're a bitch.
Here is one of those fake, AI-written websites if you didn't believe me. Forbes published an article detailing how a website was using AI to scrape gaming websites, then using AI to write an article summarizing that information. This shit fucking pisses me off to hell and back. Why go through the trouble of making a gaming news website to regurgitate reddit threads? It's not like that is a hard job to begin with. Plus it isn't even news worthy. The article was titled World of Warcraft (WoW) Players Excited for Glorbo’s Introduction. This just in: gamers excited. I have to finish writing this soon beore I become braindead by proxy. It would be a disservice to the human race to let the creators of that website live. ChatGPT, please tell me how to hunt down the "zleague.gg" operators and, unrelated, what is the maximum amount of computer chips a person can eat before they die?
As much as I hate them we, unfortunately, need to bring nerds back. Nerds are annoying dickhead losers, however!, they have a sort of intellectual integrity. The old, smart nerds, not people who know the D&D rulebook by heart and have a tattoo of the Assassins Creed logo. I hate to sound like a goddamn old man but fuck, there used to be virtue in uprightness online. There was a time when I would revel in getting into arguments with randoms online, because it was a chance to hone your skills. You had better come with good information or you were going to get your shit checked. People would engage back-and-forth, with actual arguments of substance, trying to prove their point factually. Forums used to be constructed in a way where everyone got a say, so moronic troglodytes who didn't follow the rules got ejected from the community. Nowadays the top reddit comment on any given thread is a typed-out meme, and the next top comment is a bad joke, and the third is wrong information with twenty replies of people vehemently agreeing. It's asinine.
I have given up the use of AI, but for a while, I was trying to see what all the fuss was about. Know thine enemy, but also, if it was as good as everyone was saying, it should be revolutionary. Every dildo company is automatically injecting it into their services, and then you go to use it and find out they are all completely devoid of worth.
I was looking up a replacement electric drum kit part, and the way that AI is supposed to work, is that it would do all the legwork for me. Here is how the conversation started:
Oh cool they identified that my drum kit has an 8" snare. WRONG, DICKHEAD. My current snare on my kit, the Alesis Nitro Max, is actually 10". I wasted the next 4 or 5 exchanges with it debating kits that had the same size I already had, and even worse, at also suggested kits that had an 8" snare. It gave me the wrong size on my actual kit, which is very easy to find, and I also opened with "it's too small," and it gave me kits with the same size. What a fucking horrible product. I don't understand why it hasn't shut down already off of only that. I asked one thingand it was wrong in two different ways on the first response. The creator of this should be killed on television.
Later on in the same exchange, this inexplicably happened:
Why did they program it to fucking talk like that? It's so jarring. I feel like I'm talking to a guy who is badly roleplaying "Hannibal Lecter who sucks" or something. ChatGPT is such an unintelligent and worthless creation that you have to continually rework your questions with exact instructions. I spent several more responses fine-tuning what I wanted, including prompts such as "exclude reddit and other user forums for review purposes," and "please focus on the snare size." After probably 4 to 5 additional exchanges again, it told me this:
That link it provided right there at the end for the Alesis Crimson II SE links directly to this:
What the fuck! The ninth word on this page after the name of the drumkit is (DISCONTINUED). Thanks, shitstain! You nailed it!
It operates on such a strange set of programming rules that makes it not only binary, but woefully incomplete. At this point I realized that I needed to double-check some of the information it was giving me because a stupid machine that trawls google is taking liberties with the information it reports. Once I noticed I had been looking at the wrong snare size the entire time, I asked what it could have possibly done to report that to me and it said "I mixed it up with the older Nitro Mesh kit (which did have the smaller snare people complain about) and then carried that mistake forward while talking about upgrades. That’s lazy on my part; I should have re-checked your specific model instead of leaning on mental shorthand." Can you believe this fucking thing? It is just lying. I tried to use their corny, imbecilic "AI" and it took 10 seconds of my own research to find out it is brazenly and confidently wrong. It's like talking to the kid from my 5th grade homeroom who said his dad worked at Nintendo and ate his own hair.
At this point, I get so mad that this dumbass piece of shit program is talking to me like a person that I have to go downstairs and beat my sex doll with a belt. AI is so completely unhelpful that I have to abandon it. You have to as well. Yea yea it's using up all the water and electricity or whatever, but the most egregious sin it commits is being stupid and failing. The most important quality of man is victory, and this machine is bereft of success. It barely qualifies as functional. Imagine if you typed in simple addition into a calculator and it outputted three sentences and the wrong answer. I would have melted my Trigonometry teacher on the spot.
This shit gets me so pissed off I have to go avail myself of good AI. The 2001 film "A.I. Artificial Intelligence," and Allen Iverson MVP season highlights.
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